Goodbye Papa Bene!

"Pope Benedict the XVI announces he will resign on February 28th" Mike read aloud from his computer in between classes at the Angelicum.  First, with hesitancy, as if it were a joke, then with shock as we each frantically rushed to our own computers to check to see if it was real.  A long silence and a few gasps followed as site after site on our screen repeated the same message: "Pope gives 2 week notice" and "A Statement Rocks Rome."  A couple weeks before--when we were all living in our cozy homes America, reading great works such as "God is Love" and picturing a distant figure in white, holy but perhaps distant--This news may have not struck a chord as deep.  But considering just the day before we had seen him waving out of his window, and heard him speak with great fervor only the week before, we had fallen even more in love with this holy and humble figure.  There were a mix of emotions in the room as our class filed into the computer lab.  The only thing we could think to do was pray before heading to our next class, very distracted.  The "winds of change" became more than a saying while sitting through Italian.  The room rocked, the shutters flapped, and the door shook as heavy winds suddenly brought about an eerie nuance.  Our teacher would stop speaking for a moment as huge drifts of cold wind startled us into silence.  The feeling of unsettledness grew as my friend and I searched for a church after class to find a quiet place to pray.  Outside the sky was grey and the wind still blew.  It almost seemed odd to see people bustling around as if nothing had happened.  A lady was screaming at the police and political signs were painted with unsightly graffiti.  After finding numerous churches closed, we finally came across one near the Trevi Fountain.  It was so nice to take a deep breath and lift the swirl of thoughts up to the Lord.  I was reminded of something we were taught in formation only days before: Picture yourself holding a handful of M&Ms.  Suddenly, someone offers you a handful of beautiful Pearls.  Of course you desire the pearls, but in order to receive them, you must drop your M&Ms.  Although you are about to receive something wonderful, the brief moment of your hands being empty is scary and unsettling.  I feel like at this moment, I had empty hands.  A sense of sadness and abandonment and confusion initially sprung up and I had so many questions: He pronounced this the year of Faith, why is he leaving? I though he looked healthy when I saw him?  Why is he giving us such short notice?  And then I realized how great an act of Faith his resignation really is.  How much humility does it take to realize that you are not physically or mentally strong enough to be what the church needs at this moment in time?  How great a testament to humility it is to be aware of all the accusations and fallacies he will be under about leaving, and still listen to the still, small voice inside of him telling him his service is complete?  How great an act of humility it is to step down and allow the Lord to select another great servant to lead his people?  "Forgive me, I do not have the Strength", the front cover headline read in the daily newspaper that day.  Forgive US Lord, for we do not understand, and we must trust in you.  We are waiting in anticipation for the next Pope, chosen by the Holy Spirit, to rise up and lead the Church through the New Evangelization, and we will stand with him in every way.