My Final Thoughts...

I know, I know, I sort of “quit” blogging after Spring Break, but I hope you’ll forgive me when you realize it was for a very important reason: I needed to learn to be present 100% in what was right in front of me…ROME.  Can you blame me? I realized with so few weeks ahead of me that it was time to take my “Rome to-do” list and make it start happening!  So after 5 trips to Norcia, Capri, Venice, Padua and Cinque Terre, 1 talent show, a final goodbye to the pope, 36 hours of no sleep and 2 plane flights later, I am sitting on my couch in bedazzlement at my new American surroundings.  My body is happily in America where there is a huge bed, cars and large coffees, whereas my mind and heart are still a thousand miles away in a beautiful old church somewhere surrounded by 35 of my newest Bernardi family members.  Something I would not have said 4 months ago, but I’ve never felt more at home than those final moments spent in St. Peter’s square the night before I left: sitting in the shadow of the grandeur that is St. Peters Basilica, and yet feeling the welcoming embrace of its pillared arms drawing me closer.  This was home.  Not the home I knew and still was eager for back in Minnesota, but the home that houses a piece of eternity within it’s walls, a home that I knew I had come from long ago but I had not realized until now.  Let me explain…

Upon first arriving in Rome there was so much uncertainty and excitement.  Everywhere I walked there were buildings older than anything I knew and items so rich in Church history it challenged the notion “Faith without seeing.”  I was seeing the Church from its beginnings as it descended from Christ himself.  I stared at the bones of the man Christ himself handed down the Church authority to and 265 more Papal shepherds who have carried that role and carry it today.  With all of this I felt so small, so uneducated, and so unsure as to why a suburban college-aged girl was here, experiencing things that so many others would not be able to ever experience.  Why me Lord?  I struggled with the fact that I was able to have this incredible experience without ever having deserved it, and knowing that I couldn’t possibly appreciate it as much as it deserved.  It wasn’t until the 24 hours before leaving Rome that the pebble hit the water. 

                  The first place I had been when I arrived in Rome was St. Peters.  The first time I truly saw the universal church in the faces of all the pilgrims was in the square of St. Peters. The first time I realized the Church was incredibly real and existent was with a collection of holy bones in the very bottom of St. Peters. The most incredible view of the city was at the top.  The moment when I realized the future of the church rested in the hands of me and the people around me happened while praying in St. Peters square during the final hour of Pope Benedict’s Papacy.  The most amazing moment of my life happened during the white smoke in the square. The most difficult moments were standing in long lines with large crowds in the square.  Sacrifices in Lent, rejoicing in Easter, Sadness and loss, as well as glory and delight in the Papacy all happened in this very square!  And then I realized that the Church had not only carried me this entire semester, but my entire life.  It is the Church that baptized me and saved me from my sins, the Church that gives me Jesus in the most pure form of the Holy Eucharist, the Church that holds the fullness of the faith through scripture and tradition for thousands of years, the Church who, although filled with sinners like me, is led by the Mercy of Christ and his advocate, the Holy Spirit.  I belonged here.  Not only in St. Peters square, but in the Church, in the embrace of the bride of Christ. St. Peters, no matter now grand and spectacular, is only an earthly illumination of the grandeur of Heaven.  And it is all given for us.  For US. And the more I realized how I belonged in this embrace, the more I was convicted that everyone else belongs there too.  We do not need to fear that our unworthiness will ever keep us from the Love of Christ because guess what, IT CAN’T!  It is only by truly accepting his Love and trust that he does only what is best for us that we can be transformed and truly free.  Jesus gave us everything he had, and he continues to show us his love, over and over again.  The distance between us and him is not a matter of God not being close to us, but us not listening to his quiet whispers in our heart.

                  Although I still don’t know why God chose me to be in Rome this particular semester, I know that I will still be unpacking these graces for years to come.  But I also feel a responsibility to share and witness to what I have seen and experienced.  I realized in the square when Pope Francis was chosen that nobody, not the media, not the world, can explain to me the utter and fullness of joy that was emanating from the crowd that night—the joy that comes from dropping our plans, picking up our crosses, and following Christ.  There is a spot for every single person in that square (…ok maybe not literally, but at times it felt like that!)  We must let love wash over us and transform us.  I experienced 35 ways to love in each of the people I lived with this semester and it transformed me. 

                  So as I struggle with coming back to the fast-paced and more individualistic life in

America, I remember not just that I now have to look both ways when crossing the street, and that salad dressings do exist, but also that the Church lives here too.  Christ lives here too.  I realize that perfection means to follow Jesus Christ, to accept the friendship of Christ.  A book I was reading says that along with this, “There is no tension, no sense of guilt or failure. We go with Christ. We do not lose courage because we are with him. He accepts us as we are, and we accept ourselves. The ideal, then, is not a state of perfection to be reached but fidelity to God’s love, the providence of God. We are centered on a person, not an ideal.”  Finally, a few words from “THE MAN” (as a few Bernardians would deem as the highest compliment), Blessed John Paul II: ““Dear your people, like the first disciples, follow Jesus! Do not be afraid to draw near to Him, to cross the threshold of his dwelling, to speak with Him, face to face, as you talk with a friend. Do not be afraid of the “new life” He is offering. He Himself makes it possible for you to receive that life and practice it, with the help of His grace and the gift of His Spirit. Dear young people, may it be your holy ambition to ‘be holy, as He is holy.’ You will ask me: but is it possible today to be saints? With Christ, saintliness, the divine plan for every baptized person, becomes possible. Rely on Him- Jesus walks with you, he renews your heart and strengthens you with the vigor of His Spirit. Do not be afraid to be the saints of the new millennium!”

AMEN! HABEMUS PAPAM!

An Inside Look at the Papacy: Q&A with Msgr Marini & Cardinal Burke

This week we were able to have special guests over for dinner at our house to celebrate mass and visit with us.  The terrific two were Monsignor Marini (The Pope’s MC-Master of Ceremonies…his right hand man and the leader of all the Papal liturgies) and Cardinal Burke (who is also the President of the Commission for Controversies in the Vatican, as well as built the shrine to Our Lady of Guadalupe in Lacrosse, WI). We had Eucharistic adoration and celebrated a beautiful Latin Mass, with all the traditional fixin’s.  Since Monsignor Marini only spoke Italian, Fr. Carola translated his homily and his discussion with us afterwards.  During the discussion on both nights, we were able to ask  them questions.  The first night we were able to hear from Msgr Marini.  One Bernardian asked what it was like serving Pope Francis.  He replied that it was beautiful to serve a mass for the Pope.  Since he has had the unique experience of serving both Benedict XVI as Pope and now Pope Francis, he said that there is a beautiful contrast but complimentarity between how the two celebrate mass.  He then told us a story of his personal connection with Pope Francis:

                     2 days after the election of Pope Francis I was in my office and I heard the phone ring.  I answered it and hear a familiar voice on the other end.  It took me a second to realize it was our Holy Father.  I said, “Of course, Most Holy Peace!  You know, in all of my years of serving the Pope, this is the first time a Pope has contacted me directly.”  Pope Francis said, “Oh!  Well wonderful!  You should probably write this down in your spiritual journal.”  The next day, the phone rang again.  Once again, it was the pope.  He said, “Now this is the second time a Pope has contacted you directly.  You should write this one down in your spiritual journal!”  Monsignor said that although he continued to receive frequent phone calls directly from Pope Francis himself, he still found himself a little agitated when he answered, because, well, it’s the Holy Father!  In fact, in one of their discussions about how the Pope would like to perform the liturgy, Monsignor timidly said how Pope Benedict had done it in the past and, if the Holy Father would like, he could maybe share what he (Monsignor) thought about what to do.  Pope Francis cheerily said, “Well you can just keep sharing your opinions and talk about everything you think we should do.  The worst that could happen is I’ll just be uninterested.  I don’t bite!” 

Msgr Marini on right

Monsignor told us that Pope Francis has a very familial and personal way of communicating, as you can tell from these stories.

The following are Q&As from Monsignor Marini and his close personal experience with both Pope Benedict XVI and Pope Franics:

1. What was it like when Pope Benedict XVI resigned?

  Monsignor grew quiet and searched for the words to say. 

“It was very emotional,” he said.  He had had a prolonged emotional experience because he was notified in the middle of January, before the February 11^th announcement.  He said his initial emotion was complete shock.  But the good thing about being notified earlier was he was able to give an outward appearance of serenity when the announcement was made (meanwhile, the camera picks out the bishop next to the straight-faced Marini who is wide-eyed and wide-mouthed with shock)!  Monsignor told us that Pope Benedict XVI must have been going through a spiritual struggle regarding this decision a year before he made the announcement.  And it wasn’t until autumn of 2012 that he knew for certain what God wanted him to do.  His personal doctor even asked him, “How do you know that this is what the Lord wants you to do?”  He replied, “I am absolutely certain.”  At his final mass on Ash Wednesday (which we were all present for), Monsignor Marini was a part of the procession.  Before mass, they all gathered in the sacristy and Pope Benedict told them, “This is the final time I will be processing into St. Peters.”  He knew and had accepted that this was to be his final service as Pope.  For Monsignor, (and I’m sure for Pope Benedict), It was a very emotional experience.   Throughout his final mass, his final audience, and his final angelus, Pope Benedict was amazingly detached from himself and completely put the Church’s mission before himself.  He tried very hard during this process to not become the center of attention, but put the Church, His Bride, at the forefront.  During his announcement to resign he was amazingly serene and at peace.                    Monsignor said we can all learn something from the intense humility that Pope Benedict had, placing the Church’s needs and God’s will before himself. 

2. What were a couple of the funniest moments that happened while you were MCing? 

1.  During the Vigil Mass at world youth day in Madrid, Spain, it was pouring rain.  Pope Benedict was clutching his speech notes to his chest as the MC’s (including Monsignor Marini) were clouding him with umbrellas.  He asked the Holy Father if he would like to do mass later on account of the weather and he said, “No.  All of these people came out here and I must stay with them.”   A they go back into the sacristy to prepare and as they process out for Eucharistic Adoration, Monsignor notices that the white foot stool in front of the seat where the Holy Father was just sitting before on the stage was covered in a pool of water.  Not only that, but the water was bright red!  As they approached, Pope Benedict whispered to Monsignor….”do you notice how my shoes have lost their color?”  Apparently, the Pope’s shoes had been drenched by the rain and the dye ran all over the stage! 

2.  Pope Benedict was to say mass in Malta, and while preparing for mass, Monsignor noticed that the Pope was a little off.  Marini was told that the Pope had not slept at all the night before so he was to keep an eye on him because the Holy Father was very sleepy.  Monsignor agreed and continued with the mass.  Everything was great until the Liturgy of the Word began.  As soon as the first reading started, the Pope’s head starting to tilt downwards.  Monsignor thought frantically about how he could get the Holy Father’s attention and wake him up without drawing the attention of the media cameras that were watching his every move.  So, very smoothly, he took his finger and poked Pope Benedict in the side.  His head swung up…success!  But soon enough, the Pope’s head was nodding back down again.  Monsignor continued to poke the Pope all the way through the 1^st reading (which was incredibly long because it was the story of St. Paul’s shipwreck in Malta), the responsorial psalms, and the 2^nd reading!  Thankfully, the gospel, homily and the rest of the mass ran smoothly. Monsignor Marini was thankful that his clever little remedy to wake the pope up worked without drawing attention.  The next morning, Monsignor walked down to buy a newspaper, and the newspaper guy started smiling at Monsignor.  “What?”  He asked.  The newspaper man responded, “What did you do to the Pope yesterday?”  Monsignor tried to play it off coolly by responding, “what do you mean?”  Then the guy handed him a newspaper and opened it up.  Spread across the entire page there were 3 photographs in sequence.  The first on showed the Pope with his head down, the second with Monsignor Marini’s finger pointed towards the pope’s side, and the third with the Pope’s head up but tilted towards Monsignor as if to say, “what on earth are you doing?!”  Monsingor was astonished but it was a hoot!

3. What can we bring back with us to the states/what is it important for churches around the world to know about the Papacy and about Rome?

1.  We need be tied to the teachings of the Pope because he is attentive to the Holy Spirit and the church as a whole, and we as individual churches need to listen to what he is saying.  In fact, it should be a driving force in what we teach and believe. We also need to be connected with the Pope as a person as well, treating him with Love and respect, and lift him up in our prayers.

2. We also need to be tied to the faith of Rome, because the faith of Rome is bonded with the martyrs’ blood.  The faith of the martyrs is the faith of Rome and so that is what we need to be tied to.   They died for the Church that was here—for St. Peters and for the Papacy.

3. There is a statue of St. Peter in St. Peter’s Basilica.  It is a well-known tradition to touch the foot of the statue in passing, as the pilgrims have done to ask St. Peter to be merciful and open the gates of heaven for them. Msgr knew of a holy man who, every time he visited, instead of touching it he would put his head under the foot of St. Peter as a sign of rededicating himself to the service of the Church and the Pope. That man should be our model when we think of our relationship with Rome and the Papacy.

4. What was the most profound thing that Pope Benedict said to you?

The last day of his pontificat, Pope Benedict was saying goodbye to each of the Cardinals. He turned to Msgr and thanked him for his service all of these years saying, “May you continue to sere the Church, providence willing you still will be here for a long time.”

5. How are we to bring the beautiful liturgy of St. Peters to our churches back home?

It is important to not let the Liturgy be about anything else than prayer.  We should not get caught up in trying to make the Liturgy a certain way, but realize what it’s all about.  We need to be aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not try to fit into a preconceived idea we have.  The liturgy is about God and his presence, no matter where were are or what the liturgy looks like…that’s the beautiful thing. 

6. What is something that all of us should know?

Remember that your time is short.  We have such a short time to serve God and the Church.  Our time is so short…we have such a short time to serve!  So we need to also remember to be formed!

Q&A with Cardinal Burke:

1. What is one thing you can tell us about the Conclave?

Well, there is a huge electronic shield that gets places around the entire Vatican, so nobody can use any form of electronics (cell phones, etc.) and communicate the process that goes on inside.  Also, when each Cardinal casts his vote in the Sistine Chapel, he places it before the Altar in front of the Last Judgment scene and makes a declaration…it’s very powerful. 

2. But isn’t there agreement that the selection of the Pope will be decided by the guidance of the Holy Spirit?

Yes, of course there’s the Holy Spirit, but the uncertainty comes as to whether or not there will be obedience to it.  We can see where that obedience failed in the selection of some of the Popes in the past…

3. Can you speak about how the Church is the same/different back home in America?

There is a vitality in the Church back home.  There is an increase in those responding to religious vocations and an interest in the sacred liturgy of the Roman Right among young people.  We are working to give glory to God the finest we can. The challenges come through:

                  1. The Government trying to force people to act against their conscience to the point that we are not free to worship outside of the chapel.  This is a leaning towards Totalitarianism.  Our Bishops must remain united because it is the enemy’s desire to divide it.  We must not compromise with evil! (And taking away the freedom of someone’s conscience is intrinsically evil). 

                  2.  The second challenge is poor Catechesis among Catholics.  This is especially prevalent in modern issues, ex. when one doesn’t understand why abortion is wrong but same sex marriage would be ok?   As Pope Benedict said, “We have lost our sense of nature” and how we are created. 

                  3. There are some Catholic Institutions who are not on the ball of the Catholic faith. 

Still, there are those willing to fight. 

I pray that we are all willing to fight for the truth that saved us, the truth that remains even in times of conflict, the truth that sets us free!