I
know, I know, I sort of “quit” blogging after Spring Break, but I hope you’ll
forgive me when you realize it was for a very important reason: I needed to
learn to be present 100% in what was right in front of me…ROME. Can you blame me? I realized with so
few weeks ahead of me that it was time to take my “Rome to-do” list and make it
start happening! So after 5 trips
to Norcia, Capri, Venice, Padua and Cinque Terre, 1 talent show, a final goodbye to the pope,
36 hours of no sleep and 2 plane flights later, I am sitting on my couch in
bedazzlement at my new American surroundings. My body is happily in America where there is a huge bed,
cars and large coffees, whereas my mind and heart are still a thousand miles
away in a beautiful old church somewhere surrounded by 35 of my newest Bernardi
family members. Something I would
not have said 4 months ago, but I’ve never felt more at home than those final
moments spent in St. Peter’s square the night before I left: sitting in the
shadow of the grandeur that is St. Peters Basilica, and yet feeling the
welcoming embrace of its pillared arms drawing me closer. This was home. Not the home I knew and still was eager
for back in Minnesota, but the home that houses a piece of eternity within it’s
walls, a home that I knew I had come from long ago but I had not realized until
now. Let me explain…
Upon
first arriving in Rome there was so much uncertainty and excitement. Everywhere I walked there were
buildings older than anything I knew and items so rich in Church history it
challenged the notion “Faith without seeing.” I was seeing the Church from its beginnings as it descended
from Christ himself. I stared at
the bones of the man Christ himself handed down the Church authority to and 265
more Papal shepherds who have carried that role and carry it today. With all of this I felt so small, so
uneducated, and so unsure as to why a suburban college-aged girl was here,
experiencing things that so many others would not be able to ever
experience. Why me Lord? I struggled with the fact that I was
able to have this incredible experience without ever having deserved it, and
knowing that I couldn’t possibly appreciate it as much as it deserved. It wasn’t until the 24 hours before
leaving Rome that the pebble hit the water.
The
first place I had been when I arrived in Rome was St. Peters. The first time I truly saw the
universal church in the faces of all the pilgrims was in the square of St.
Peters. The first time I realized the Church was incredibly real and existent
was with a collection of holy bones in the very bottom of St. Peters. The most
incredible view of the city was at the top. The moment when I realized the future of the church rested
in the hands of me and the people around me happened while praying in St.
Peters square during the final hour of Pope Benedict’s Papacy. The most amazing moment of my life
happened during the white smoke in the square. The most difficult moments were
standing in long lines with large crowds in the square. Sacrifices in Lent, rejoicing in Easter,
Sadness and loss, as well as glory and delight in the Papacy all happened in
this very square! And then I
realized that the Church had not only carried me this entire semester, but my
entire life. It is the Church that
baptized me and saved me from my sins, the Church that gives me Jesus in the
most pure form of the Holy Eucharist, the Church that holds the fullness of the
faith through scripture and tradition for thousands of years, the Church who,
although filled with sinners like me, is led by the Mercy of Christ and his
advocate, the Holy Spirit. I
belonged here. Not only in St.
Peters square, but in the Church, in the embrace of the bride of Christ. St.
Peters, no matter now grand and spectacular, is only an earthly illumination of
the grandeur of Heaven. And it is
all given for us. For US. And the
more I realized how I belonged in this embrace, the more I was convicted that
everyone else belongs there too.
We do not need to fear that our unworthiness will ever keep us from the
Love of Christ because guess what, IT CAN’T! It is only by truly accepting his Love and trust that he
does only what is best for us that we can be transformed and truly free. Jesus gave us everything he had, and he
continues to show us his love, over and over again. The distance between us and him is not a matter of God not
being close to us, but us not listening to his quiet whispers in our heart.
Although
I still don’t know why God chose me to be in Rome this particular semester, I
know that I will still be unpacking these graces for years to come. But I also feel a responsibility to
share and witness to what I have seen and experienced. I realized in the square when Pope Francis
was chosen that nobody, not the media, not the world, can explain to me the
utter and fullness of joy that was emanating from the crowd that night—the joy
that comes from dropping our plans, picking up our crosses, and following
Christ. There is a spot for every
single person in that square (…ok maybe not literally, but at times it felt like
that!) We must let love wash over us
and transform us. I experienced 35
ways to love in each of the people I lived with this semester and it
transformed me.
So
as I struggle with coming back to the fast-paced and more individualistic life
in
America, I remember not just that I now have to look both ways when crossing the street, and that salad dressings do exist, but also that the Church lives
here too. Christ lives here
too. I realize that perfection
means to follow Jesus Christ, to accept the friendship of Christ. A book I was reading says that along
with this, “There is no tension, no sense of guilt or failure. We go with
Christ. We do not lose courage because we are with him. He accepts us as we
are, and we accept ourselves. The ideal, then, is not a state of perfection to
be reached but fidelity to God’s love, the providence of God. We are centered
on a person, not an ideal.” Finally,
a few words from “THE MAN” (as a few Bernardians would deem as the highest
compliment), Blessed John Paul II: ““Dear your people, like the first
disciples, follow Jesus! Do not be afraid to draw near to Him, to cross the
threshold of his dwelling, to speak with Him, face to face, as you talk with a
friend. Do not be afraid of the “new life” He is offering. He Himself makes it
possible for you to receive that life and practice it, with the help of His
grace and the gift of His Spirit. Dear young people, may it be your holy
ambition to ‘be holy, as He is holy.’ You will ask me: but is it possible today
to be saints? With Christ, saintliness, the divine plan for every baptized
person, becomes possible. Rely on Him- Jesus walks with you, he renews your
heart and strengthens you with the vigor of His Spirit. Do not be afraid to be
the saints of the new millennium!”
AMEN!
HABEMUS PAPAM!
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